Did you readers know that the average male has about four billion more brain cells than the average female?
Now before all the women out there hold some sort of a caucus where they will unanimously decide to tie me up with piano wire and leave me blinded and bludgeoned in the streets among a pack of hungry, rabid, wolves, (and then get together for salads,– with dressing on the side – and separate checks please), let me tell you that I am not the one who came to this conclusion. This is actually the findings of a group of Danish scientists who have published the result of their research.
However, speaking for all of the men out there, I think I am safe in saying that we men really do need all of those extra brain cells for the very important guy things, such as going out to celebrate our Danish brothers by drinking huge quantities of beer. (Male mantra: “Kill those little brain cells before they can multiply!”)
But there really are very important items in the life of guys that need our undivided attention and, if I may go out on a limb here, these are usually ignored by the female gender. Believe me, those additional brain cells are put to good use in a “Guy World.” Allow me to give you an example.
Let’s say that a woman is faced with a choice between going for a two-point conversion after a touchdown in a very close football game or eliminating world hunger and disease. A woman would not spend any time in additional thought before coming to a hasty decision. A man, however would immediately put his additional brain cell to use by considering large number of other factors, such as:
- Is it a playoff game?
- What is the betting line on the game?
- Do the two teams really hate each other?
- Will the losers have to buy beer?
I am sure you can see from this example that there are very good reasons for Mother Nature conferring a whole four billion more brain cells for men. While you women are tying up your time with such chores as bearing children, being the primary caregivers, setting family values and nurturing the very young; us men must put our extra brain cells to work running office sports pools, devising consistent scoring methods for fantasy football, designing NASCAR tracks, remembering to leave the toilet seat up, and inventing things such as the “hot dog gun” which can propel a stadium hot dog from the lower level to someone sit in row qq of the third upper deck!
Can you imagine a world without a hot dog gun?!?! Or the 24-second clock in Basketball??? Well, I don’t know about the rest of you, but I do not want to even think about it.
These are only a few of the many ways that men put their additional brain cells to use. Do you think it is easy to keep track of the scores of over a dozen football games on any given Sunday? Or for that matter, to watch two games simultaneously with the Screen within a screen technology? I can tell you it is not easy. But if it were left to you women out there, it would not get done!
And how about all the additional thought that has to go into weighing the strengths and weaknesses of every available alternative route to any destination so that we do not EVER have to ask directions? And what about those spiders?? It seems that women, (and I do not mean to generalize here), as a gender, wants every spider in the universe to be put to death, but does not want to do it themselves. Every day some peace-loving man,-who is likely minding his own business by competing in a very important paint-ball competition with other men or conducting grape races in the microwave – (and yes, you really can have competitive grape races in the family microwave, by simply pricking each grape with a pinhole, placing it on the starting line and turning the microwave onto high), . . . . .But back to my original point- and that point would be . . . . . .OH YEAH! Every day some man who is minding his own business is called on by some female to kill a spider.
Do you think that these spiders are some kind of idiots? They are very smart and crafty prey and it takes a lot of brain cells to bring one down and make the house safe again for our loved ones.
The most significant guy invention, however, is one that is still on the drawing board. NASA scientists are presently attacking the challenge of developing a strain of bacteria that will digest an astronaut’s dirty underpants. The immediate problem, of course, is waste disposal aboard a spacecraft. However, if all men everywhere put their minds to it and make this a reality we can eliminate completely the tension that erupts in each household that is brought on by us larger brained men dropping our dirties on the floor!
So the next time any of you think that our larger brains are not needed or put to good use – think again. The possibilities are just endless.