“At Your Age”

I heard a phrase the other day while at the doctor’s office.  A phrase that couldn’t have

sounded worse, than if a heavy metal rock band had been given power tools.  The phrase was, and I am not making this up: “Well, at your age . . .”

When I heard these four words, in my mind, I was reaching out and choking the life out of the Little Dougie Howser!  The only sounds that I heard after those four words were the nails being pounded in my coffin.

It was a logical progression – one that I should have seen coming.  First, it was a little bit of a beer belly, then my knees gave out, then my hair fell out, then I got an even larger beer belly, followed by wrinkles, gray hair, gray beard, gray chest hair and now I have progressed to: “At your age. . .”

At age 30 was the first time I thought about being nervous about my age.  When I was in high school and college, we had a saying: “Never trust anyone over 30!”  You are satisfied with a 4 door sedan, maybe have a couple of kids and you actually seek out life insurance salesmen.  But at age 30 you still consider yourself somewhat bulletproof and if you don’t, you look at someone who is 50 and thank God you don’t look like that.

At 40, you have the first feelings of desperation!  The music that teens listen to sounds like nothing more than noise and the fashions that they dress in start to look ridiculous.  You’re on your second, more advanced beer belly and your hair is turning gray.  But it hasn’t quite hit you yet – you don’t feel that bad – you fool yourself into thinking that you’re still quite young.

When you get to be 50, life is cruel.  The hair I once had on my head has migrated to my ears; the noise I make just getting out of bed in the morning scares my dogs and my hands feel like they have been in a bone crusher each morning.

You don’t get any compliments when you get over 50.   There isn’t anything to compliment.  People actually avoid commenting on your looks.  What are they supposed to say:  “Aucch – look at your face.”

But when you reach, “At your age,” you start getting compliments again.  Compliments like: “You look good,” which is double talk for “Are you still alive?”

I am going to the eye doctor soon.  I can’t read a book without holding it with my feet in order to read it, and I may be too old for contact lenses to improve my looks, and I am sure I will need stronger glasses – but he better not say: “Well, at your age.”

12 thoughts on ““At Your Age”

    1. OMG! You are so much like me that I think you have been reading my mail?!?! LOL I also happily accept my senior discount too and I find I go to more movies because I can get in a buck cheaper. I was blown away the first time I heard someone call me “Sir” but have gotten used to it now and people are nicer. I do not like all the aches and pain either, but it is better than the “dirt nap.”
      “Give me coffee to change the things I can; and wine to accept the things I cannot, I hope age can tell the difference.”

      Liked by 1 person

  1. Ack!! I have heard both “at your age” and “for your age,” and I don’t like either one of them. And I am with you about the cruelty of getting older. And the denial that it’s not quite happening yet.

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    1. ALWAYS a pleasure to hear from you Jeanine. You are among my few people who read ALL my blogs, and I thank you for that. I thank also the ultimate blog challenge because while reading your blogs I think that we have almost become friends.

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  2. Haha , when the kids laugh at a joke they told each other and I ask them what it was, they just bring up the ‘at your age’ phrase as well ; I just don’t get why they do it, do you:);)?

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    1. No I don’t like it either. I think it is just their way of asserting their independence, but why does it have to take a “cruel” turn. I don’t have kids in my home anymore, but my daughter and son would share a joke and when I would ask what was so funny, they would say at your age, you wouldn’t understand. It was like I was one step away from the nursing home and the last time I learned anything was the Kennedy administration. I hated that they were so smug!

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  3. I’m at the “at your age” place too. Sigh. I honestly don’t feel it. The mirror may say I’m in my 50’s but my self-image says I’m 19.

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    1. Yes, isn’t it strange that our view of ourselves is always younger and then we walk past a mirror and say “Who is that” and then the realization sets in. Been there . . .done that.

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  4. Yep, I’ve reached the “at your age” spot. People are starting to think that I am losing my marbles. They are wrong! You have to have marbles in order to lose them! Anyway, I already have employed an Old People’s Method of typing shoes. I am old and struggle to see. I’ve got to have my foot close to my face. So I set my foot down on the highest surface that I can find, such as the kitchen counter, stick my face as close as it will go (which is practically on top of the foot), and I tie my shoes. I repeat the process with the other foot. Mission accomplished. No more Old People’s technique of tripping over shoelaces!!!

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    1. Yup! I always say “any port in a storm.” You have found a way to accomplish the task of tying your shoes. That wouldn’t work for me, I can’t put my foot that high. But it works for you and that is all that counts and it is better than the old people’s technique of tripping over shoelaces.

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