Not a Plumber

An image of a Man Using Plunger Clogged Toilet cartoon isolated on white.

Last week, my main floor toilet was plugged, and after doing the things that I knew how to do for a plugged, I ended up calling a plumber. So after I had been separated from a goodly amount of cash, I decided that when the bathroom sink was draining very , very slowly, that I could take care of this simple problem myself.

HA!  Simple problem, indeed !!  It seems that genius has its’ limits – not so with stupid.

I put maybe, a cupful or drain cleaner, (or perhaps it was a quart, I am not much for measuring) down my bathroom sink drain.  It was the strong stuff that Jen, at the hardware store, warned me about and that she thought I looked too stupid to buy.  (My gad, that woman is perceptive!)

The directions said to pour an amount, (like I said, I don’t know), down the drain, wait 15 minutes, and then flush with hot water. I ran the hot water for about fifteen minutes, or an hour, or three, and I was expecting that I would have solved the problem and the water would go right through like it was being sucked out.  I can tell you now and no longer hold you in suspense that was not the result!   

Rather than have the water drain down, it came up!  And it wasn’t water.  It was the murkiest, smelliest, gad awful concoction that I have ever experienced!  It smelled worse than a herd of moist bison or an armpit fire! It would have made an Abbott snap a rosary.

I figure that I have developed a propensity for locating disaster where none previously existed.

I waited for the murky, slushy, stinky stuff to go back down the drain so I could clean my sink.  It didn’t want to go down.  The only antidote for an evening like this is a warm, sudsy bath and a snifter of cognac.  But I was afraid of some of the “sewer juice” come up in my bath water and I couldn’t stand the smell in the bathroom anyway.  This was spinning me into a level of pissed off, that I have rarely experienced before.

I shut the bathroom door to save me asphyxiation from sewer gas, brushed my teeth and washed my face in the kitchen sink with bottled water and went to bed I was sure that the next day the sewage would recede and be gone from my sink.

Not a chance.  I had to bail the water out and flush it down the toilet the next morning.  I was having a day that a pot of coffee couldn’t put a dent in.  That was not the worst part.  The worst part was that it stained my sink the same ugly black that was in there and the murk had soaked into the porcelain!

I had to give up and call the plumber. I was keeping the plumber busier than the tooth fairy during caramel apple season.  I got the plumber on the line, and I explained what had happened.  He told me that he bet that it stinks.  I told him that wasn’t exactly trail blazing information and told him that if he didn’t come right away – I was going to reach for something sharp.

I can’t wait to close the curtain on that particular episode. I should have known not to deal with naked pipes, I am not that handy,

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