Instructions and Warnings??

            We all need instructions sometimes, but we expect those instructions to lead us through some sort of maze, we expect them to be concise and clear and to lead us from point “A” to point “Z.” In other words, we hope they make sense.

            I have been collecting a few instructions that not only fail the common sense test but are downright hilarious. I am going to share some of them with you.

            On a flushable toilet, they have an instruction that reads, “Do not use for personal hygiene.”

            An instruction on a thermometer used to take a sick person’s temperature states: “Once used rectally, this thermometer should not be used orally.”

            An electric blender used to blend, whip, chop and dice has an instruction that says to: “Never remove food from the blades while the product is operating.” Well Duh!

            Warnings are just as stupid in some cases, and many people like to blame attorneys for this because the manufacturers are so afraid of liability. But I guarantee you there was a case of a man who tried to pick up a lawnmower and trim his hedge. Now all the lawn mowers have warnings that say that the lawn mowers are not to be used for that purpose.

            So, some guy did a stupid thing and used a tool for something he wasn’t supposed to use it for, and now we all have to put up with these silly warnings. But aren’t a lot of them just a little TOO much?

            A popular scooter for children caution: “ This product moves when used.”

                                                                                                         How many of you have bought scooters that we expected to remain still?

            A major sleeping aid that is advertised all the world over has the warning: “May cause drowsiness.” Let’s see, a sleeping pill that may cause drowsiness . . .

            A propane torch warns that you never want to use “While sleeping,” and a box of bandages warns: “For external use only.” It is a good thing you told me on the label, the next time I got a cut I just might swallow some band-aids.

            There is a warning on one of the folding baby strollers that folds up and you can take with you that warns: “Make sure you remove the child before folding.”  Now even a new mother should be able to figure that one out without warning.

            On an ordinary household iron, it warns, “Never iron clothes while they are being worn.”

            “Harmful if swallowed.” This warning was on a fishing lure with a three-prong hook. “Ovenware will get hot when used in the oven,” is a warning on a baking utensil.

            A box of frozen mozzarella sticks warns that “This product becomes hot after cooking.”

            But, I think that the all-time great one is a caption that reads: “This is not to be used by children under 3 years of age.” And the product? It was a badge that read “I am 2.

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