Musings

“MUSINGS”

            Well, readers here I am again, letting my weekend come to a close without putting my pen to paper and writing a column.

            What’s that you say?  The paper is better for it?  Well, that might be true; but what is the editor going to do with the space he allotted for my column this week?  He might have to take up space by enlarging my picture.  Now you wouldn’t want that, would you?  I should say not!  You can quickly turn the page without reading what I have to say, but that big picture – enlarged – and staring out at you.  Well, it’s more than one should have to bear just for reading a newspaper.

            However, that doesn’t change the fact that nothing particularly exciting has happened to me or my bride, Brunhilde recently.  Unless you think that dropping a ten foot 2 x 10 on my toe was exciting.  I guarantee you if you could have heard the words that came out of my mouth – you would have thought that something darned impressive was going on!  However, I don’t want to discuss my poor, semi-smashed, blue-under-the- nail toe at this point.  I figure I’ll have a much better sense of humor about it when it stops hurting.

            However, that doesn’t get a column written.  When I concentrate on a column, all that comes up are questions.  So I will share some of them with you.

            Why are more people apt to believe something you tell them if you whisper it?

            Why are we humans so convinced that an elephant never forgets?  What does he have to remember anyway?

            Why do some RV evangelists who have large mansions, fly all over the world, wear thousand dollar suits with silk ties; and ride around in chauffeured limousines, need the last $20.00 from some poor lady who lives on a pension?

            What do they mean by “legally drunk?”  If it’s legal, why are the officers writing out tickets?

            What did people go back to before they had drawing boards?

            Can Atheists eat Miracle Whip?

            Why do doctor’s that treat women’s problems call themselves gynecologists?  Would gynecologists be more suitable?

            What do they call the centers that they cut out of toilet seats?

            Why is there an expiration date on sour cream?

            Why is the Secretary of the Interior in charge of everything outdoors?

            Why is it that a parent spends 18 months trying to get children to stand up and to talk, and the next 18 years trying to get them to sit down and shut up?

            Why is it that no matter how many TV channels you switch to, you always get a commercial?

            Why do we feel most like sleeping when it is time to get up?  (If you can’t sleep at a hotel, you could just tell the front desk to give you a wake-up call.)

            Why is it that the government who warns us not to smoke or chew, also subsidized tobacco farmers?

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