I think that when God was finished creating the earth and man in particular, he said: “OK, Murphy, you’re in charge!”
How else can we explain the many things that happen to us on a daily basis that frustrated us? Case in point: A button never falls off your shirt unless it’s your last clean shirt and you’re late for a meeting. And who hasn’t had a shoelace break when that is the one pair of shoes you want to wear and you’re in a hurry. I just remembered that is why I wear loafers.
Another example: have you notice that no matter when you turn your television on, it is always in the middle of a commercial? Invariably it is true, right? I am going to give you a list of things that proves that Murphy, is indeed, in charge.
- It takes a blown fuse to discover the batteries in the flashlight are dead
- Extension cords spend their spare time in the garage tangling themselves.
- If someone has to go to the bathroom during a concert, it will never be the person on the aisle.
- A dog will always want to be on the other side of the door.
- Any tool taken up the ladder with you will fall before the job is done.
- No time is really convenient for a meeting.
- Never trust a skinny cook to prepare your meal.
- Never go mountain climbing with a beneficiary.
- There is no such thing as a child-proof bottle.
- If someone gives you directions that include “you can miss it,” you will.
- Minutes pass more slowly on the outside of the bathroom door.
- Whatever the other guy orders at a restaurant, it looks better than yours.
- If you miss a meeting, you will be assigned to work committee.
- Congress never passes a law that they are subject to.
- Anyplace that needs a bouncer isn’t worth going into.
- Birds make the most noise at dawn when you are trying to get just a little more sleep.
- No matter how bad a round of golf you play, there will be one stroke so perfect, so on target, and gratifying that you will come back to play again.
- Any time a man says that game is silly or childish is probably something his family can beat him at.
- When somebody says: “it’s not the money,” it’s the money.
- The man who blames fate, weather, grounds, and equipment for eight bad holes of but will feel personally responsible for a hole in one.