Can’t Get Any Worse

Businessman Bomb Head Cartoon Illustration

It was a Monday and I couldn’t wait to get back to work and the quiet of my office. Cleopatra and Bathsheba were both home from the dungeons of sweat that most people call college. They were here for a 3 day weekend and I had a yearning for the weekend to end. I know that people look forward to the weekend after five days of work. But most people do not have to put up with Cleopatra and Bathsheba.

Having these two center stagers together is as noisy as an auctioneers convention where four or five of them were trying to reach the back row all at once. These two sisters are into competitive arguing, and their decibel levels are typically associated with power tools, jet engines and heavy artillery. It was like someone inviting the Hatfields to the McCoys family reunion. Both of these two enter the arena of an argument about as heavily armed as North Korea – but they are not as peace loving.

So, as Monday rolled around, going to the office seemed like a quiet refuge from the open warfare of Cleopatra and Bathsheba. I couldn’t wait to get to the office and do tax returns.

But before I could leave, I had to take care of a few details. My car was at the dealership because of a recall and was going to be ready that morning. However, I needed a ride to the dealership to pick up my car. I found that Brunhilda had already left for her job taking her car, the car that son Chipper drives, he loaned to Cleopatra and Bathsheba for a trip to the shopping mall, (this in it self was alarming). To top it all of Chipper had promised he would bring the old junker pickup that we used only for yardwork and carrying junk out the landfill, for a boy scout paper drive.

In the event that you are keeping score here, that is four cars in a family of three.

I had no way of getting to the dealership to pick up my car. I called the dealership, to see if they could deliver my car, or pick me up at home and give me a lift. Instead, I got to talk to the shop foreman and he told me that while replacing the dohickyfreebletorqueoverblat (or something like that) that they had noticed that my crankeejigdoflopper (or something like that) was leaking. They would order the part, but it wouldn’t be done until tomorrow.

Now I am without a car to go work. “Do you have any cars available at a low rate for your customers in a case like this?” I asked.

Yes, I have two, but they are both tied up right now. Maybe the courtesy car could give you a ride to work.”

“Fine,” I said, “but just so you know I have to drive 70 miles to work and then he has to pick me up again at five.”

“Oh, the courtesy car can’t leave town, but if you call Acme rent-a-car, you could get a special rate for our customers.”

I thought about saying isn’t that the same company that Wile E. Coyotee orders all his stuff from? But I bit my tongue and stayed quiet.

OK. So far this is a giant inconvenience, but it is not insurmountable. Good old Acme rent-a-car has three locations and they will deliver the car. I called number one. They did not have any cars available. Neither did location number two. The only location left was the airport, they had cars available but did not deliver and the special rate does not apply at the airport location.

The situation was deteriorating fast but I pushed on. So, now I had to take a cab from my house to the airport so that I could drive a vehicle to work.

Now let me cap this for you. I own, maintain, gas, license, and insure four vehicles in a household of three AND I AM RENTING A CAR TO GET TO WORK!!!    

So, I complete a twelve dollar cab ride to a rental car company so that I can pay forty dollars for my non-special price for a car to get to work in. It can’t get much worse, can it? How did I get up this morning and find myself in a Three Stooges movie? I am paying for a rental car over and above the four that I have title to, and now I am late. For a Monday can this get any worse than this!

Ha! Snowstorm!! Slushy slippery roads.

FINAL RECAP:  A weekend with the screaming sisters where peace and tranquility are unheard of commodities. Four cars bought and paid for. None available. Rushing to work in a rented car, in rotten weather while my own car is sitting because the part that I need isn’t in yet. So, I ask you, can it get any worse than this? Can it?

Speeding ticket.

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