Kids, on Oceans

Children write about the mysteries of the seas: “If you are surrounded by ocean, you are an island. If you don’t have ocean all round you, you are incontinent. When ships had sails, they used to use the trade winds to cross the ocean. Sometimes when the wind didn’t blow the sailors would whistle to make the wind come. My brother said they would have been better off eating beans. “The ocean is made up of water and fish. Why the fish don’t drown I don’t know. My dad was a sailor on the ocean. He knows all about the ocean. What he doesn’t know is why he quit being a sailor and married my mom. Mom went water skiing. She fell off when she was going very fast. She says she won’t do it again because water fired right up her big fat ass. “Some fish are dangerous. Jellyfish can sting. Electric eels can give you a shock. They have to live in caves under the sea where I think they have to plug themselves in to chargers. Divers have to be safe when they go under the water. Divers can’t go down alone, so they have to go down on each other. “When you go swimming in the ocean, it is very cold, and it makes my willy small. My uncle goes out in his boat with two other men and a woman and some pots and comes back with crabs. “This is a picture of an octopus. It has eight testicles. A dolphin breathes through an asshole on the top of its head. Oysters’ balls are called pearls. Sharks are ugly and mean, and have big teeth, just like Emily Richardson. She’s not my friend any more. Mermaids live in the ocean. I like mermaids. They are beautiful and I like their shiny tails, but how on earth do mermaids get pregnant? Like, really? “ And they say kids today aren’t smart…

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