A Modern Jewish Couple

A modern Orthodox Jewish couple, preparing for a religious wedding, meets with their rabbi for counseling. The man asks, “Rabbi, we realize it’s tradition for men to dance with men and women to dance with women at the reception, but we’d like your permission to dance together, like the rest of the world.” “Absolutely not,” says the rabbi. “It’s immodest. Men and women always dance separately.” “So after the ceremony I can’t even dance with my own wife?” “No,” answered the rabbi. “It’s forbidden.” “Well, okay,” says the man, “What about sex? Can we finally have sex?” “Of course!” replies the rabbi. “Sex is a mitzvah. It’s a good thing to have children!” – “What about different positions?” asks the man. “No problem,” says the rabbi “It’s a mitzvah!” The man asks, “Woman on top?” “Sure,” says the rabbi. “Go for it! It’s a mitzvah!” – “Doggy style?” – “Sure! Another mitzvah!” – “On the kitchen table?” – “Yes, yes! A mitzvah!” – “Can we do it on rubber sheets with a bottle of hot oil, a couple of vibrators, a leather harness, a bucket of honey and a porn video?”- “You may indeed. It’s all a mitzvah!” – “Can we do it standing up?” – “Absolutely not,” says the rabbi. So the man asks, “Why not?” – “Could lead to dancing!”

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