A Better World

It has been said that each person should try to leave the world a little bit better place. It is sort of like the rent we pay for having a place on the planet. Other than the fact that I don’t litter and I am kind to animals, I don’t know what I have done to pay my rent. I, therefore, in a modest effort to do my small part at my age, offer the following suggestions for a better world. Take them if you want.

First of all, No Christmas decorations until after Thanksgiving. I am tired of Thanksgiving being short changed and only being a third rate holiday that just starts the Christmas shopping rush!

Restrooms having only hot air blowdryers should be abolished. Have you ever washed your face in one of those restrooms only to find that the only method of drying is one of those stupid blowdryers?

Anyone who sells merchandise that requires batteries and sells it “without batteries included.” should have to pay a fine. If it is a child’s toy during the Christmas season, the fine should be doubled.

Sponsors cannot show the same commercial more than twice during any TV show. Twice is enough. After that it becomes irritating.

If you must play music over your phone system while I am on hold, at least give me a choice of music I like, and NEVER, play country western music. And while we are speaking of phones, let’s get rid of call waiting altogether. And no more movies about the Titanic. The ship sank. Get over it!

Fire departments should no longer waste their time getting cats out of trees. You do not tie up a million dollars of equipment and the time and money of many highly trained and well paid men women to save a 39-cent cat.

Things such as alfalfa sprouts, dandelions, eggplant, arugula, zucchini will no longer be called food. Throw in broccoli while your at it too. (Thank you President Geo. H.W. Bush.) Speaking of food, Restaurants and food vendors can no longer pad their profits by filling my drink cup with ice and then put in a thimbleful of soft drink. From now on, no more than 4 ice cubes per cola. And while I am at it, no more watering the down the ketchup.

No children in adult restaurants in the evening. What is an adult restaurant? It is any restaurant where you can buy beer, wine or spirits. If I wanted to eat with screaming children who throw food and run around the room, I will go to Burger-Doodle at noon.

You cannot be both stubborn and stupid. You have to pick one,

At grocery stores, They have to put everything that an old want or needs where it can be easily found and reached. Also, everyone should have to bag their own groceries. Having them bagged for you does not save time, all you are really doing is standing there in line and watching your groceries being bagged.

Waiters and waitresses do not have to introduce themselves and telling me that they will be my server. I am looking for a meal and some service, not a relationship. And speaking of wait staff, any one who is too damn cheap to leave a nice tip for a waiter or waitress who has served you well, should be made to wait tables for a month.

A person who stands and punches the button on an elevator over and over, thinking it will speed up the car, should be taken out of the general population for a few hours and refrigerated so they can “chill out” a little.

Let’s do away with those little messages that come over the phone when I am on hold for more than ten minutes that tell me that the call is important and a representative will be with my shortly. Does anyone believe that call is important? Having your phone call answered by a recording that makes you punch number and never talk to a real human being and never being of any help in the first place, should be a felony.

No political ads prior to two months before the election. If anyone has trouble who is the best mudslinger in two months, they are too stupid to vote,

And we can do without: Football fans who take their shirts off in below freezing temperatures to show how macho and stupid they are. People who talk and bring cell phones into theaters and concerts. People who give away the endings to movies, books, or plays. Hospital visitors who tell the patient that their aunt had the same thing and suffered terribly before she died.

I know that many of these sound like they came out of curmudgeon. But, really, wouldn’t they make the world a better place?

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