I am a person who is guilty of more than my share of bonehead mistakes in my lifetime (and paid for each and every one of them). I found the best armor for one’s mistakes is a sense of humor. I think one of my favorite types of humor is the unintended honest mistake that changes the meaning of what someone really wanted to say. I have collected a few of my favorites and can’t resist sharing a few with you. Most of these are from signs, posters, and printed media. Read carefully.
Here is one of my favorites, it was from a restaurant in New York City and I always wondered whether it was good for business or not: “Customers who consider our waitresses to be uncivil or rude ought to see the manager.”
Would you go to a dry cleaner who had this sign on the window? “Thirty eight years on the same spot,” Well, I guess they are persistent. How about a Florida maternity ward that has a sign saying: “No Children Allowed.” Isn’t that an awfully lot having a zoo but not allowing animals? In the offices of a saving and loan company is a sign that says: “Ask about our plans for owning your home.” I think there is a word missing and I guess I would prefer and bank that has plans to let ME own my own home. In a card and gift shop I saw one over a display of Valentine cards. It said “To the only woman I ever loved.” They must be trying to cater to a real “Casonova-want-be, because a sign right below says: “Available in multi-paks.” In a men’s store window is a sign that says: “Wonderful bargains for men with 16 and 17 necks.” Who are the customers here, the people from the bar scene on Star Wars? And do you think a tax preparer gets much business when they have a sign out front the says: “Why go elsewhere and be cheated when you can come here?”
Here is a bit of redundancy: “Open 7 days a week and on weekends.” Does that make nine days total? At a radiator repair shop is a quaint little sign that states: “Best place to take a leak.” I wonder if the shopkeepers mother agrees with that. I personally love sign from a Pennsylvania cemetery that says: “Persons are prohibited from picking flowers from any but their own graves.” If I had known would get to pick flowers, maybe I should rethink my decision to be cremated. A truck stop/restaurant in California advertises that: “Kids with gas eat free.” I think I will eat elsewhere.
You can’t beat a church bulletin board or church bulletins for a little unintended humor. Try these on for size. To couples that are intending to get married:“Couple should contact the pastor at least six months in advance, even if a firm hate has not been yet established.” This one is good: “For the sick and tired of the Episcopal Church,” Or this one: “Ed and Ruth celebrated their 50th anniversary on May 26th and they renewed their rows at St. Francis church.” A pastor’s note from a Greeley Colorado church stated: “Thanks to all for your prayers, love, support, attendance and financial giving for 2018. It is because of you that we pad all out bills.”